I have been on my path of spiritual awareness ever since I can remember honestly. I have always questioned my reality and have felt odd or different. At a young age when I realized that I was different I hid that part away from the world. I created a beautiful shell of a person that was easier to swallow and that people liked. She was witty and funny. She acted tough when all she wanted to do was crumble in to a million pieces. It got me far in life but it made me lose sight of who I truly was. I became this fake persona even when I was alone. I felt hollow and bitter inside but I pushed those feelings down and pretended they never even existed.
There is a funny thing about emotions though. You can never truly suffocate them in to the depths of your being. They always bubble up and ooze out of your mind's pores sometimes without you even knowing. An aggressive driver may cut you off on the freeway and you fly in to a fit of rage. You scream obscenities towards the careless driver and while your heart races, you feel like no one cares about you and you truly never matter. How can an isolated incident make you feel so small and insignificant? The person that cut you off has no idea of who you are. The subconscious has surfaced in this case and has basically made you feel the feelings that you have refused to.
The same can happen when you are having a crisis in your life. This is essentially what is happening to me at this very moment. My dark night of the soul has increased in intensity and the world that I have concocted seems to be falling to pieces around me. It is a familiar feeling for me because my path has never allowed me to stay comfortable for too long. Every time things go easily my life shakes up and I just try to keep my head above water. I am convinced that the universe does this to crack away at my fake shell. When you feel the deepest depths of your true sadness you are able to honestly evolve spiritually.
So how does this all relate to YOU? I know that I am not the only person that feels the deep endless sadness that never seems to truly disappear. I know that when you are deep in the depths of your dark night you may feel like no one can relate. I am here to tell you that is simply not true. This is not some deep terrible curse that has taken over your entire life. This is a right of passage for everyone that is truly on the path of self awareness. I am not writing this to tell you to smile through the hard times. I am writing this to let you know it is okay to cry. After you dry your tears and look up at the dark sky that has engulfed your entire being. Look up and search so hard for those beautiful stars that light up so beautifully when the night is the darkest. Enjoy those twinkles of bright light and just know that there is hope and you are okay.
It is important to to work through those dark times! The most beautiful things that you can possibly create come from honest pain that you experience during this time. When you cannot possibly talk about your pain one more time find another outlet. Take to any artistic activity that calls your name. Dance your feelings out like no one is looking. Write the sweetest poem that has ever escaped the crevices of your mind. Do anything and everything that you can think of to ease the pain and allow it to escape. This journey is not for the faint of heart but I am here to tell you that I KNOW it is worth it.
Allow Love and Light to Guide You on YOUR Way --Kristen
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